Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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