Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
