in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
third nipple confirmed
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
