This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
