I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
