If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
