How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
