No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
