eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
