Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
