Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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