i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Small penises have feelings too.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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