I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
