Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
