Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
