if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
