im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
People in love make me want to vomit
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
