My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
