I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
