I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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