my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
