worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
