i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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