last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
