My liver just broke up with me...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
