Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
