margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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