Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
