we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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