I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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