I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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