Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
