you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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