smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
