we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
