I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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