we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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