Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
