I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
