He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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