Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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