I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
