Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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