and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
