It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
