i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
