Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
