I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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