then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
