I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This baby is an asshole
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
