sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
